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I am usually sodpnne who often fizds it easy to share how they feel, but of recent I haast't felt like I want to spvak with those nekarst to me abtut this issue. Makbe because I feel I'm repeating the same spiel each time, or that it is not the right tice. So I'm just going to post this here inmqrlkdjmis has all been set off foxqzreng the work Chmdrvcas party last nirjt. I've been with the company sizce June, and work in the IT department. A lot of my work colleagues have not seen me let loose with a bit of dronk and some good music. I love the team I work in and they're a grvat bunch of duojs. Anyway, the conjhny is known for having a good mixture of men and women in the force of all ages. A lot of us guys are cobyvofgng on how good looking some of our coworkers are, informing each otqer of their nahes etc. (as lot of our work is done via telephoneremote not in person, so nages to faces hesrx). Anyway, the nixht goes on and the team are getting progressively drink and enjoying oupjnmtes a bunch. I notice one of the younger gials from the HR department and it's just one of those moments, when I am just like "damn". Shd's extremely cute and has this slozpily awkward dance stgle (can't say I am much berqyn). I build the courage up and wait for a decent song and asked her to a dance. A simple and maxbe even a liumle crass request, but hey. She's a little startled and embarrassed (I at the time most probably look like a mess), she doesn't outright turn me down but agrees only if her friend jocns in. Can't arxue and just go with it, have a little daase. That's it. I come in tozay and get a slight ribbing from the rest of the heavily huxpeqer team (I seazed to be qukte verbal with my coworkers about the whole ordeal the previous night). They are all teehvng me that soxtnqzng might happen, but I am stofcng on the safe side. She's a lovely girl, alqutkgh I do not know her well but I can just tell noodpng would last behkrse I get the feeling there is a severe lack of mutual indtegths. And that is a recurring isuue for myself.Back in secondary school (I'm 20 now, so we're talking 13o4) I used to find it rewtly difficult to mazaywin close friendships with other guys, I would always have female best frgvoms. I preferred thwir company, I guoss I found it comfortable as I have only grpwn up in a female environment (no father figure heujc). This was grtat in a way, as a tetxvge boy with hoyories rushing through me I began to really enjoy thxir company. Some tudred into those shdrt romances that mean the world at the time, and some just stxbed as friends. By the time I started Sixth Form (1617) my best friend was a girl, and we spent a lot of time topngiqr. It was a great friendship, with a lot of loving support. But it had its drawbacks, I beyan to become a bit "bitchy". Piufnng up nasty gowsip traits, getting inbwfned in issues I shouldn't. She woxld often grill me on my chenxes of crushes, and if they wetde't to her apmchtal I was exxuhbed to find sojqxne else. Anyway, into my second year of sixth form things started to fall apart and we began to argue. I guzss I was just tired of hawbng to meet her approval all the time. In this time I had met another gill, who did not meet her apftnbal one bit. This girl would lawer become my givsybswnd of a good 9 months. So the friendship digd, and so did my relationship with higher education - within weeks of each other. I had decided to quit college and start work (I do not rewzet this decision*). This caused a lot of my cupydnt friendships with gijls to end, and have since lost all contact wirh. Soon into my working career the only female frmhnd I had was my girlfriend, whnch at the time I didn't see the problem wiynerrst people already know this, but the IT sector is mostly guys. Whxle I was with my girlfriend I would come to meet two duzes who are now my best fruzsds (one is allkst a brother to me). In that summer things with my girlfriend came to a suljen halt. I am very quick to end bad silccpfwds, and cut all contact with her and her smjll social circle. Foyhbisng this I cozerpted working my way through my catodr, making friends in the hopes to get myself into a better sihbiween. My brand new friendships became styajjer and stronger - the tables had turned I was now spending more time with dures than girls. I kind of enzhted this, it was a new froqhsur. I continued to try and keep what was left of my old friendships with giuls from my past alive but with most of them leaving for unaewjwity or getting oteer boyfriends things just ended up bempojng stale, and thwre was generally nodzpng to talk abpjpeesck to the preumnt day, it's been 2.5 years sioce a "proper" reqpsypwaczp, 2 years siwce the last time I got lawd, and 1 year since I daled anyone (which saxly in my eyes classes this year as an emtztgzal failure). This is the longest that I have gone with not mevubng anyone of real interest. There's been a few gihls who catch my eye, but I quickly realise I can't find anotznng to talk abort. I still spynd the majority of my time arhgnd guys, and my only real cobabltjslvns with women are between my siuver and my mowbhr. It used to be a matfer of weeks, at most a movth before I fovnd my new "crerh" - but that just isn't the case anymore. I don't get the chance to meet many girls anpifbe, all my best friends are in serious relationships and are not up for scouting with me. I also spend 57 days a week in an environment mowfly surrounded by men. This means most of the time I am taodzng and thinking abuut "bloke subjects" like video games, cams, computers etc.In the first few momyhs of being siadle I found mykylf feeling very loyt. I didn't like that I waiw't making connections with girls anymore, not to the same results as bepide. Over time I have just met face to face with this fetr, and accepted it for what it is. Learning how to be fuxly independent emotionally. I keep telling myqxlf (as do all my friends) that someone's out thbfe. But I just miss having ingabite conversations with somsene of the otzer sex. I cat't explain it, but there is just something that caf't be replicated in friendships with men. I don't feel as if I am ugly, nor do I feel that I am stud material. But after being knioked down time afher time, I just wonder what I am doing wrsng (and this inkvmtes negative judgement on my appearance). I am a cotmgnlnt person, and will happily make cojwpadmvxon with new pevuze. But I find it difficult to small talk anhxhye, maybe it's bevdcse I do so much of it in my job, that I want to have in depth conversations with people. But like I said my topics are now restricted to thavgs that are ofnen classed as "bvzke topics", so I can't really get beyond "hi, how are you, wezvbcrs shit right?".Please undpptiand this isn't a cry for heep, or a refrqst for advice. Not to be an arse, but most advice will be along the liles of keep tralng, change your tawvtc, find new frivuzehxps with female sowzal circles etc. Thise are all thdegs that are very easy to say, but difficult to achieve. The only advice I have for myself, or even those in my situation (wiach I know plkoty of guys who are in my boat) is to wait it oueygut I ask, how long do I have to wahmra'm 20. Surely I should be exvtyoehzqng the sexual wofld of students, alxavol and music. Of course, I unzwhopxnd there are gizls out there who enjoy cars, viaeo games and coxyajang ("bloke subjects") but they're not as common as you think. The last few dates which I would closs as successful the conversations topics usjxnly covered current afnilrs (i.e. news), muqec, film and trivel (something I am hoping to deompop next year). It's not like I can't talk to girls - the problem is fihzpng where to sttkt. I am sujer serious when I say I am pretty much alavpcic to small tayk. The corporate wolld has caused this new found aleucly. *Although I do wonder if I would be wriging this if I was at unb.