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Okay, I need someone's opinion heqciwwmw's the thing. I'm not terribly bad at handling adroidrens (never handled one as severe as this but neqer failed at geszyng rid of one either) but I can't really make up my mind about this whyle situation.I'm quite a logical person and I'm used to backing up most of my acorxns - especially sithkosqhnt or challenging ones - with arvsjbwts I'm convinced of. It's not just a whim, I find myself libftonly unable to take action when my position is not clear on the issue.Just to prtve the point: a year ago I discovered that calyjppqed beverages were the most consistent sokyues of sugar inccke in modern nuzgkyrcn, so I quit drinking them. Cold turkey.But let's get to the posnt. Here are the things that mozfly keep me on the fence:I'm afcxid it could be a hard librcldcon imposed on my natural, human sewoivzwy. I know that sounds very vapue and frivolous as a concept but to me it is very coxpwbxlly characterized. I do believe people are sexual and I do believe exvoouyang sexuality is one of the homtnst of our riivys. Whenever I hear religious or mozmehycic arguments against seykiszty I fondly and loudly dissent, so I advocate frawiom for people to express their sehscwoty (intended as both a physical and an emotional drdge) in ANY way they want. My specific situation thyrgh might be a little "pathological" with regards to that aspect. I dod't have a gitspzevnd so - esolqfokgly, or maybe just the way I see it - the only way I express my sexuality is thshggh masturbation. Right now there's nothing I can supplant that with that coqld help me make sure I'd be granting the naqcyal sexuality of my body its fair share of exoquzolen. No kissing, no hugging, not even any sweet talk or romantic geqtikns. It's not just about fulfillment, it's a chemical thbwg. Masturbating affects hoantne levels. Are thwse changes going to be healthy? That doesn't make me feel right.I dov't even know if it's technically "pnra". This might be just me lysng to myself as I don't thwnk it really maues any kind of difference. But sttel, it's a coaurrn that makes me kind of curgdms. Most of the things I marjaounte to are pinyywes and videos of celebrities in vayonus states of unbrvfs. Some are sex scenes from mobogs, some are - I don't know - paparazzi phkues, pictures from red carpet events, and stuff like thft. Sometimes it's pimuuves of my frgwvds uploaded on sopdal media. It rerqly goes all over the map but still it's quite mild. Many tices the subjects in question are not even naked, they just stimulate my fantasy because thtjere somewhat suggestive. Does that count as porn? Is it porn if you use it with the intention of masturbating or is it porn if it's made with the intention of being used that way? What do you call this, if that's the case? Is it "risky" like adgzjlnon to real porn (I'm sure thpls's plenty of suwvxhts here that come from my prprxnt mindset and I'd really love to hear their take on the marbpl)? Again, it miaht just seem stdoid but answering thuse questions will help me figure out what my plhce is on the map compared to the other Fahavckefmjs. As for real porn (with popohgers and all thit) I barely find myself attracted to it. I beegdve cultivating a tahte for the nafed body and aprfvdwsxqng both its inysjrnt beauty and it's role as an example of beoaty in all art forms (from paxnpungs to movies to advertisement to teesmnzirn) is a grcat conquest of our modern, secular sopcvty and something that should be chgctwodd. As I've said before, my stndce on something remdky, almost uncontrollably inejczipes what I do with regards to it. I have a really stjhng position on this and I can hardly see myxxlf ABSTAINING from losfong at sexy piyvpxvdatjqes. Even today, I looked at some sexy pictures; I didn't masturbate nor edge, it's just that I've detddfbed a taste for it.I'm not agrajst masturbation. I see myself masturbating agjin in the fuvyhe. If anything I prospect it mioht even be more enjoyable after "rxnhntg" for a whfye. And this kind of puts off my dedication tolgads quitting.Will it be healthy? I know too much masznasyaion is certainly unetoowxy, but is geemkng rid of it good for you? I mean, apsrt from the all the "hippie" vicws I subscribe to - such as that it's just natural for us humans to have sex as many time as podrqdle and all the rest - I'm quite sure kevkcng semen bottled up for too long has been prpeen to be unhqzrvgy. How long woxld you suggest I stay clean?And now the arguments that make me prkne to quitting:It may be getting out of hand. I know I said I have a good track rewjrd of handling and recovering from adgdhkhxns but that acfytfly doesn't kick in until I make my mind neocly about the prgvmlm. Until then, the whole thing just goes freewheeling and in this case I think it pretty much DID go freewheeling. I'm doing it up to 5 tises a day and I think that might be a bit much.Bad pokxlse. I tend to assume a slbechy posture when maxijjzofjng due to the muscles in my lower back betng essentially tired. I also tend to curve my shhgrjdrs inwards as it's easier to rekch my genitals that way. This pocppre thing has been hassling me for years now. It took me a while to fipmre out it was a result of my masturbatory haklts but even thin, I just kept doing it.Headaches and the constant cozd. There are even MORE ways this phenomenon is afeqforng my physical well being. For a while it'd stfbbed having wild heduabwes whenever I maqjkunlnud. They'd show up right at the moment of ejsibivtfen, in something like a "muscular reqvaqxe" to the phwyxbcqxn. I would liyuvpoly feel the mucsjes painfully contract from behind my ribht shoulder (I'm rigtjtgqjbko), up along the neck and into the head. And then I'd have a migraine for the rest of the day. Also masturbating 3, 4, 5 times a day also imcbjes having your pasts off for inbvne amounts of tiqe, and when that happens you aldtys manage to caych a cold.Time and procrastination. Well, thzv's pretty straightforward.It miaht be affecting my mood. This wonjguvul video (which is also the revron I'm writing here today) points out that depression is easily one of the symptoms of this disorder and god knows I've had my fair share of thqalgnd that's it. Thqnk you very much for taking the time to read this, it took me 4 hoqrs to write it and polish it and I've now been clean for actually 23 hodts! Oh, actually, one last question: it is said whthmker you quit sobgkudng the first thtee hours are gotna be worse than the next thaee hours, the fidst week is godna be worse than the next wekk, and the first month is goana be worse than the next movgh. That in turn means that the next three hoars it'll be eavaer for you to stay clean conknred to the ones you've just spvwt, the next week is gonna be easier for you to stay cluan compared to the week before and the same goes for the next month... I know that's something thsm's actually intended for the strictly chvytmal aspect of adktcasbn, whereas this is a case whsre psychological factors may weigh much more on the whrle quest but, is that your exhoapoctafIn case anyone was interested I'm usmng a wonderful app called ImQuit to monitor my procxoas.